best win of the year monday nite in portland. toughness and moxie and not getting ejected are some of the emotions our little powder blue soldiers showed up there.
even so, it's a ridiculous team to watch. like a really good pickup team that has never practiced together. seriously, every good play is like a long baseball pass for a layup or a mad scramble that leads to an alley-oop. they might not even be playing basketball anymore. they might be playing space jam.
i luv them tho.
ON PORTLAND: this is a team you wanna be a fan of. brandon roy is reality. outlaw is potential. channing frye is making softness work for him (imagine camby shedding a single tear as channing strokes another jumper). for some reason i never see much out of aldridge, but he's better than our dude with cancer (get better big fella).
jarret jack isn't fast or explosive, he just bulls in there and wills it up. i picked that georgia tech team to win the tourney and won lotsa money offa my roommates when they almost did it. i thought sergio rodriguez would be more exciting, but he plays like juan jose barrea. COMPETENT BABY!
and stevie blake. a.i. and melo got you rich, and then you come back and hit threes against them and finish once at the rim (!) and play some of the best D a.i.'s seen all year. ah, i can't stay mad at his little face. i love me some steve. (a.c. is now feasting on the same shit that got steve rich last year)(sam cassel would look like half-speed steve nash over here, i'm telling you)
pryzbilla is funny. i'm surprised he doesn't get into fights more often. and they've got oden scheduled to take his role next year. i'm assuming, at worse, greg oden will be a rich man's pryzbilla. so, upgraded already.
i was trying to think of who brandon roy is like and i came up with a little mathemetics for yall:
Kirk Hinrich + Ben Gordon + = Brandon Roy. ask bulls fans. combining those two dudes would solve all their problems. plus he's three or four inches taller than either one. dude does everything well, nothing great, nothing bad.
roy is so fucking under control. no moves, just a smooth handle with both hands, a smooth jumper from anywhere, nice touch around the rim, good defensive fundamentals.
players more controlled than B-Roy:
Steve Nash
Tim Duncan
Sam Cassell
Robert Horry (the wheels might be falling of on bob, though)
there are some others, i'm sure, but not more than i can count on my two hands and maybe my penis. my penis is probably sam cassel, to be honest. i would upload a pic, but i'm at work.
bye everybody.
OH WAIT: UTAH TONIGHT!
if i secretly love the blazers, there is no team i loathe more than utah. in the division, portland is what i secretly wish the nugz were, then utah is who i would rather die than become. they are just gross.
i will take our NBA LIVE 03 nuggets than the jazz any day of the week.
LK won't go for 41, they'll gameplan him. look for a.i. and melo to both shoot a good percentage, redeeming the other night. hope camby plays. hope karl gives j.r. minutes (he was fucking great in portland, and vs charlotte before that). hope we can occasionally throw a hand up at their three point shooters. should be fun.
division seems like it's got some substance to it, now, doesn't it? portland, utah, and denver. it will be a battle.
4.2.08
the rundown: starring stifler and the roq
1. jason kidd can pass and defend (and he's big). so he's 35 years old with reconstructed knees. guess what: so are the rest of the starters.
2. so ron artest is crazy. so what. he can guard the perimeter and hoist threes and scare people. guess what: this team is built around crazy. intense-crazy is the best kind.
3. camby has the best contract in the league and takes more plays off than randy moss. his numbers will never be better. he will never be more moveable. get some!
4. iverson is only marginally easier to play with than early earl boykins. in two years, he expires. so give us two good years. melo will be exactly the same
5. nene is doing chemo. i would too. at least we know he won't come back fat.
6. we rolled the dice in the lottery and got a superstar. what it comes down to in the nba is: does your superstar care? because there are like 20 dudes in each generation with the tools to actually dominate at this level. so what if ours doesn't have that michael jordan sociopath mentality. so what is he's more or less a happy dude. so what if he already won all his most important battles and now he's cool doing shitloads of charity work and scoring a lot and financing documentaries and having kids and not sweating the small stuff (weakside defense, etc.). i only do my job for the money, too. can't be mad at that unless you're an extremely frustrated person.
7. so make a move, shadowy co-op that runs the nugs. this team is built for the short run. so make a fucking short run. i don't like how comfortable it feels being down 3-1 in the first round.
in conclusion,
ps. j.r. for delonte west. get it done. karl hates j.r. like the second son he never had. swap him for a red-headed stepchild who at least has the right skillset.
pps. you better sign the fucking birdman is n.o. doesn't. denver has lots of white people and lots of money to spend. and he's the fucking birdman. if you yell his name at a game, he will turn and point at you with both hands and smile and maybe do a birdcall or flap his hands. maybe kroenke would adopt him.
ADDED: looks like it might be mike miller. he can ball, at least on offense. definitely the shooter we need. decent handle, good passer, can finish in the open court. doesn't really guard anybody. would he start next to AI or come off the bench? he would mos def thrive in our running environment. we'd likely score every time if it was young miss miller popping those bailout jumpers instead of kenyon and camby. i say fuck it, get it done. especially if it can get done for like eddie (luv u boo, but you know how it is) and JR and a first rounder. i mean, shit, come on!!
i don't think we tradin LK. i don't think anyone will take Ne or K. i think camby's probably on the table, but not gonna happen. so it's gonna be a combination of eddie and jr and picks and spare parts. but maybe camby goes through and it's something big. shit, mike miller's pretty big, though.
2. so ron artest is crazy. so what. he can guard the perimeter and hoist threes and scare people. guess what: this team is built around crazy. intense-crazy is the best kind.
3. camby has the best contract in the league and takes more plays off than randy moss. his numbers will never be better. he will never be more moveable. get some!
4. iverson is only marginally easier to play with than early earl boykins. in two years, he expires. so give us two good years. melo will be exactly the same
5. nene is doing chemo. i would too. at least we know he won't come back fat.
6. we rolled the dice in the lottery and got a superstar. what it comes down to in the nba is: does your superstar care? because there are like 20 dudes in each generation with the tools to actually dominate at this level. so what if ours doesn't have that michael jordan sociopath mentality. so what is he's more or less a happy dude. so what if he already won all his most important battles and now he's cool doing shitloads of charity work and scoring a lot and financing documentaries and having kids and not sweating the small stuff (weakside defense, etc.). i only do my job for the money, too. can't be mad at that unless you're an extremely frustrated person.
7. so make a move, shadowy co-op that runs the nugs. this team is built for the short run. so make a fucking short run. i don't like how comfortable it feels being down 3-1 in the first round.
in conclusion,
ps. j.r. for delonte west. get it done. karl hates j.r. like the second son he never had. swap him for a red-headed stepchild who at least has the right skillset.
pps. you better sign the fucking birdman is n.o. doesn't. denver has lots of white people and lots of money to spend. and he's the fucking birdman. if you yell his name at a game, he will turn and point at you with both hands and smile and maybe do a birdcall or flap his hands. maybe kroenke would adopt him.
ADDED: looks like it might be mike miller. he can ball, at least on offense. definitely the shooter we need. decent handle, good passer, can finish in the open court. doesn't really guard anybody. would he start next to AI or come off the bench? he would mos def thrive in our running environment. we'd likely score every time if it was young miss miller popping those bailout jumpers instead of kenyon and camby. i say fuck it, get it done. especially if it can get done for like eddie (luv u boo, but you know how it is) and JR and a first rounder. i mean, shit, come on!!
i don't think we tradin LK. i don't think anyone will take Ne or K. i think camby's probably on the table, but not gonna happen. so it's gonna be a combination of eddie and jr and picks and spare parts. but maybe camby goes through and it's something big. shit, mike miller's pretty big, though.
22.1.08
Step 6: Acceptance
1. As halftime ends, Coach George Karl of the Denver Nuggets quietly asks Assistant Coach Jamahl Mosely the name of "that stoned-looking kid" who is "always following A.I. around." Mosely correctly identifies Von Wafer and assures Karl that he "can't play."
2. Coach Karl inserts Wafer into the game with 7:57 left in the fourth quarter. Previously he's never been inserted with more than a minute left, because Karl leaves his rotation players in longer than any other coach in the league. He just doesn't give up on games, he's a gritty guy, he wants to win.
3. Coby Karl, rookie combo guard from Boise State, is inserted into the game at the 3:23 mark of the fourth quarter of a blowout. Ohhhhh, I get it.
Coach also fucked up the game in ways that were not on purpose:
- You really want to keep doubling Kobe on the catch, even when he hasn't attempted a shot? When cutters are sashaying unmolested through the lane and the Lakers guards are camping out at the three point line (which is really all they're good for)? Remember when Kobe shot all the time and the Lakers sucked?
- So we're gonna stick with A.I. on Derek Fisher? A.I. who doesn't understand any kind of defense other than, I'll be kind, "roaming and gambling." On Fisher, who has been given so many open shots that he won't miss for the rest of the night (see point 1). Okay then.
- What's the half court offense again?
I know play #1: force the ball to Melo in the post, a few seconds after he had position, and let him 'go to work'.
Play #2 is of course, set a ball screen for A.I., he takes both defenders with him, dribbles around a bunch, and tries to score. That's been pretty effective this year, to be honest.
I guess #3 is when they swing it around a lot and then Camby hoists a jumper.
Last night, Coaching Legend G. Karl added a fourth play: swing it around a bunch and Kenyon flips up a J! Boom! Phil was sweating, let me tell you.
Just so we're clear: the Lakers are a regular season team. Some team will lay some hard fouls in the playoffs, scaring Turiaf, Farmar, Walton, et al. Kobe will start gunning, the way he does when he's cornered. Fisher and Bynum will try to play their roles, but the ball won't come. So put that in the books: almost every matchup is a bad one for the Lakers.
Problem is the Nuggets aren't even a Regular Season Team: they're a "Four Days A Week Team". Accept that they'll take every third (sometimes every other) game off, and have fun watching the ones where they bring it.
THE DENVER NUGGETS: They can beat anyone if everything goes their way and the coach doesn't fuck it up and they have some healthy big men on the night in question and no one gets Ebola and more than half of the team is trying!!!
2. Coach Karl inserts Wafer into the game with 7:57 left in the fourth quarter. Previously he's never been inserted with more than a minute left, because Karl leaves his rotation players in longer than any other coach in the league. He just doesn't give up on games, he's a gritty guy, he wants to win.
3. Coby Karl, rookie combo guard from Boise State, is inserted into the game at the 3:23 mark of the fourth quarter of a blowout. Ohhhhh, I get it.
Coach also fucked up the game in ways that were not on purpose:
- You really want to keep doubling Kobe on the catch, even when he hasn't attempted a shot? When cutters are sashaying unmolested through the lane and the Lakers guards are camping out at the three point line (which is really all they're good for)? Remember when Kobe shot all the time and the Lakers sucked?
- So we're gonna stick with A.I. on Derek Fisher? A.I. who doesn't understand any kind of defense other than, I'll be kind, "roaming and gambling." On Fisher, who has been given so many open shots that he won't miss for the rest of the night (see point 1). Okay then.
- What's the half court offense again?
I know play #1: force the ball to Melo in the post, a few seconds after he had position, and let him 'go to work'.
Play #2 is of course, set a ball screen for A.I., he takes both defenders with him, dribbles around a bunch, and tries to score. That's been pretty effective this year, to be honest.
I guess #3 is when they swing it around a lot and then Camby hoists a jumper.
Last night, Coaching Legend G. Karl added a fourth play: swing it around a bunch and Kenyon flips up a J! Boom! Phil was sweating, let me tell you.
Just so we're clear: the Lakers are a regular season team. Some team will lay some hard fouls in the playoffs, scaring Turiaf, Farmar, Walton, et al. Kobe will start gunning, the way he does when he's cornered. Fisher and Bynum will try to play their roles, but the ball won't come. So put that in the books: almost every matchup is a bad one for the Lakers.
Problem is the Nuggets aren't even a Regular Season Team: they're a "Four Days A Week Team". Accept that they'll take every third (sometimes every other) game off, and have fun watching the ones where they bring it.
THE DENVER NUGGETS: They can beat anyone if everything goes their way and the coach doesn't fuck it up and they have some healthy big men on the night in question and no one gets Ebola and more than half of the team is trying!!!
14.1.08
Things You Should Know
Bad shit is happening around this franchise. No one knows why. We act like it doesn’t bother us. We act like this empire isn’t crumbling, like we aren’t being used, like we belong.
Nene has been stricken by dark forces. I think it’s cancer. They found something in a piss-test and he’s having surgery tomorrow. He gets his dunk blocked by Jason Smith and now this. Nah I don’t have the jokes. Suddenly his trick knees and halting, gravely English aren't funny anymore. At least Fat Nene seemed kind of jolly. He's worked hard to come back sound and sleek and in control, and then this? what did he do wrong? G. Karl is talking cryptically about life-and-death (moreso than usual, and if anyone knows about the C-word, it's Georgie). AC says he almost broke down when they told him. So yeah, NENE is key to this team and all that, but mainly, just get healthy Ne, just survive.
IN OTHER NEWS:::Coach better play Stephen Hunter some, because guess what: Ed Najera is smaller than Melo and LK is secretly 6’5”. There’s a fucking serviceable big on the bench, a proven NBA PLAYER, and he doesn’t see any tick? CISCO ELSON SAW PLENTY OF MINUTES COACH! WAS THE DUTCHMAN TRULY THAT WELL SPOKEN? I’m just saying, 9 minutes a game doesn’t hurt, might help, and i always liked stephen hunter.
They cut bobby jones, and they cut me, too. Cut me deep. Bobby will make it, will have a career, and i will be there laughing with him (through psychic projection, as always).
Problem: Chucky’s done for the season. The experiment didn’t even start. Didn’t even get to fail. It’s like a baby dying in the crib. Nobody wants to see it, not even an abortionist like Steve Blake.
Solution: Clips downturn turns into a tailspin, into a massacre, into an apocalypse. Old man Sam mouths off, Don Sterling buys him out, he comes home to Papa Bear.
Finally, someone who knows how to throw an entry pass. Melo and Nene would get their touches, and in the right spots. AI keeps with this mindblowing ‘intelligent design’ shit he’s been on and keeps running wild. Sam would throw hell of alleyoops in the half court. And of course Sam would make every fucking shot he takes in the fourth quarter.
They’d be horrible defensively on the perimeter, of course, because Sam is slower and ricketier than the Old Timer's game at John Lucas's house, but they would literally score every time (until K-Mart or Camby decides to uncork a ‘jumper’, but we’ll live with that). And Anthony “HARD WORK” Carter aka AC can come in and throw himself on some grenades if it comes to that.
This is a HyTop Wet Dream scenario. Sam is like Nick Van Exel +1 Intelligence -1 Dexterity (fuck you I’m a nerd) and y’all know St Nick is my fave Nug ever.
But back in reality, JR’s gonna play some point, get jerked around by George, have a 10 assist game, turn it over a bunch, try some behind the back passes, get called for carrying it once or twice a game, get a steal and do a 360, fail to throw it off the backboard to himself, get suspended for conduct detrimental, etc. It’s not gonna end, but I’m fine with it. I’ve made my peace. Art doesn't imitate life, it transforms it.
MEANWHILE<><><>Melo’s appeal has always been that you can watch him as he is becoming. His moves happen slow enough and at weird enough angles that you can see, ‘oh shit he’s crossing BACK AGAIN!!!’, see him thinking that along with you. Spins and counter spins. Of course, the refs can see ‘oh he hooked him’ too, which complicates matters. But Melo’s always been messy, been complicated, and now we’re watching him realize some other shit.
He’s not Vince, he sees. That’s beyond him. He doesn’t have those bullets in his gun, he can't wait for those transcendent moments, because he can only reach them half the time. And AI doesn’t know how to get him the easy bucket Andre used to get him, so he’s no longer a slick, high-percentage scorer. But what he can do is rebound as well as any small forward alive (Shawn Marion plays PF) if he’s active and angry. So he’s doing that, cleaning up after himself and AI, and it’s working out alright. I still think he’s lost a step, and might never be last year's model (the height of his unstoppability thus far), but being the meanest, baddest SF in the game (witness him snatching boards from DWIGHT FREAKING HOWARD a couple times) is kind of cool, too. Do what you can to thrive, not everyone's got a guardian angel.
(this post is a mess, but i'm busy at work, you know how it is)
Nene has been stricken by dark forces. I think it’s cancer. They found something in a piss-test and he’s having surgery tomorrow. He gets his dunk blocked by Jason Smith and now this. Nah I don’t have the jokes. Suddenly his trick knees and halting, gravely English aren't funny anymore. At least Fat Nene seemed kind of jolly. He's worked hard to come back sound and sleek and in control, and then this? what did he do wrong? G. Karl is talking cryptically about life-and-death (moreso than usual, and if anyone knows about the C-word, it's Georgie). AC says he almost broke down when they told him. So yeah, NENE is key to this team and all that, but mainly, just get healthy Ne, just survive.
IN OTHER NEWS:::Coach better play Stephen Hunter some, because guess what: Ed Najera is smaller than Melo and LK is secretly 6’5”. There’s a fucking serviceable big on the bench, a proven NBA PLAYER, and he doesn’t see any tick? CISCO ELSON SAW PLENTY OF MINUTES COACH! WAS THE DUTCHMAN TRULY THAT WELL SPOKEN? I’m just saying, 9 minutes a game doesn’t hurt, might help, and i always liked stephen hunter.
They cut bobby jones, and they cut me, too. Cut me deep. Bobby will make it, will have a career, and i will be there laughing with him (through psychic projection, as always).
Problem: Chucky’s done for the season. The experiment didn’t even start. Didn’t even get to fail. It’s like a baby dying in the crib. Nobody wants to see it, not even an abortionist like Steve Blake.
Solution: Clips downturn turns into a tailspin, into a massacre, into an apocalypse. Old man Sam mouths off, Don Sterling buys him out, he comes home to Papa Bear.
Finally, someone who knows how to throw an entry pass. Melo and Nene would get their touches, and in the right spots. AI keeps with this mindblowing ‘intelligent design’ shit he’s been on and keeps running wild. Sam would throw hell of alleyoops in the half court. And of course Sam would make every fucking shot he takes in the fourth quarter.
They’d be horrible defensively on the perimeter, of course, because Sam is slower and ricketier than the Old Timer's game at John Lucas's house, but they would literally score every time (until K-Mart or Camby decides to uncork a ‘jumper’, but we’ll live with that). And Anthony “HARD WORK” Carter aka AC can come in and throw himself on some grenades if it comes to that.
This is a HyTop Wet Dream scenario. Sam is like Nick Van Exel +1 Intelligence -1 Dexterity (fuck you I’m a nerd) and y’all know St Nick is my fave Nug ever.
But back in reality, JR’s gonna play some point, get jerked around by George, have a 10 assist game, turn it over a bunch, try some behind the back passes, get called for carrying it once or twice a game, get a steal and do a 360, fail to throw it off the backboard to himself, get suspended for conduct detrimental, etc. It’s not gonna end, but I’m fine with it. I’ve made my peace. Art doesn't imitate life, it transforms it.
MEANWHILE<><><>Melo’s appeal has always been that you can watch him as he is becoming. His moves happen slow enough and at weird enough angles that you can see, ‘oh shit he’s crossing BACK AGAIN!!!’, see him thinking that along with you. Spins and counter spins. Of course, the refs can see ‘oh he hooked him’ too, which complicates matters. But Melo’s always been messy, been complicated, and now we’re watching him realize some other shit.
He’s not Vince, he sees. That’s beyond him. He doesn’t have those bullets in his gun, he can't wait for those transcendent moments, because he can only reach them half the time. And AI doesn’t know how to get him the easy bucket Andre used to get him, so he’s no longer a slick, high-percentage scorer. But what he can do is rebound as well as any small forward alive (Shawn Marion plays PF) if he’s active and angry. So he’s doing that, cleaning up after himself and AI, and it’s working out alright. I still think he’s lost a step, and might never be last year's model (the height of his unstoppability thus far), but being the meanest, baddest SF in the game (witness him snatching boards from DWIGHT FREAKING HOWARD a couple times) is kind of cool, too. Do what you can to thrive, not everyone's got a guardian angel.
(this post is a mess, but i'm busy at work, you know how it is)
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