best win of the year monday nite in portland. toughness and moxie and not getting ejected are some of the emotions our little powder blue soldiers showed up there.
even so, it's a ridiculous team to watch. like a really good pickup team that has never practiced together. seriously, every good play is like a long baseball pass for a layup or a mad scramble that leads to an alley-oop. they might not even be playing basketball anymore. they might be playing space jam.
i luv them tho.
ON PORTLAND: this is a team you wanna be a fan of. brandon roy is reality. outlaw is potential. channing frye is making softness work for him (imagine camby shedding a single tear as channing strokes another jumper). for some reason i never see much out of aldridge, but he's better than our dude with cancer (get better big fella).
jarret jack isn't fast or explosive, he just bulls in there and wills it up. i picked that georgia tech team to win the tourney and won lotsa money offa my roommates when they almost did it. i thought sergio rodriguez would be more exciting, but he plays like juan jose barrea. COMPETENT BABY!
and stevie blake. a.i. and melo got you rich, and then you come back and hit threes against them and finish once at the rim (!) and play some of the best D a.i.'s seen all year. ah, i can't stay mad at his little face. i love me some steve. (a.c. is now feasting on the same shit that got steve rich last year)(sam cassel would look like half-speed steve nash over here, i'm telling you)
pryzbilla is funny. i'm surprised he doesn't get into fights more often. and they've got oden scheduled to take his role next year. i'm assuming, at worse, greg oden will be a rich man's pryzbilla. so, upgraded already.
i was trying to think of who brandon roy is like and i came up with a little mathemetics for yall:
Kirk Hinrich + Ben Gordon + = Brandon Roy. ask bulls fans. combining those two dudes would solve all their problems. plus he's three or four inches taller than either one. dude does everything well, nothing great, nothing bad.
roy is so fucking under control. no moves, just a smooth handle with both hands, a smooth jumper from anywhere, nice touch around the rim, good defensive fundamentals.
players more controlled than B-Roy:
Steve Nash
Tim Duncan
Sam Cassell
Robert Horry (the wheels might be falling of on bob, though)
there are some others, i'm sure, but not more than i can count on my two hands and maybe my penis. my penis is probably sam cassel, to be honest. i would upload a pic, but i'm at work.
bye everybody.
OH WAIT: UTAH TONIGHT!
if i secretly love the blazers, there is no team i loathe more than utah. in the division, portland is what i secretly wish the nugz were, then utah is who i would rather die than become. they are just gross.
i will take our NBA LIVE 03 nuggets than the jazz any day of the week.
LK won't go for 41, they'll gameplan him. look for a.i. and melo to both shoot a good percentage, redeeming the other night. hope camby plays. hope karl gives j.r. minutes (he was fucking great in portland, and vs charlotte before that). hope we can occasionally throw a hand up at their three point shooters. should be fun.
division seems like it's got some substance to it, now, doesn't it? portland, utah, and denver. it will be a battle.
4.2.08
the rundown: starring stifler and the roq
1. jason kidd can pass and defend (and he's big). so he's 35 years old with reconstructed knees. guess what: so are the rest of the starters.
2. so ron artest is crazy. so what. he can guard the perimeter and hoist threes and scare people. guess what: this team is built around crazy. intense-crazy is the best kind.
3. camby has the best contract in the league and takes more plays off than randy moss. his numbers will never be better. he will never be more moveable. get some!
4. iverson is only marginally easier to play with than early earl boykins. in two years, he expires. so give us two good years. melo will be exactly the same
5. nene is doing chemo. i would too. at least we know he won't come back fat.
6. we rolled the dice in the lottery and got a superstar. what it comes down to in the nba is: does your superstar care? because there are like 20 dudes in each generation with the tools to actually dominate at this level. so what if ours doesn't have that michael jordan sociopath mentality. so what is he's more or less a happy dude. so what if he already won all his most important battles and now he's cool doing shitloads of charity work and scoring a lot and financing documentaries and having kids and not sweating the small stuff (weakside defense, etc.). i only do my job for the money, too. can't be mad at that unless you're an extremely frustrated person.
7. so make a move, shadowy co-op that runs the nugs. this team is built for the short run. so make a fucking short run. i don't like how comfortable it feels being down 3-1 in the first round.
in conclusion,
ps. j.r. for delonte west. get it done. karl hates j.r. like the second son he never had. swap him for a red-headed stepchild who at least has the right skillset.
pps. you better sign the fucking birdman is n.o. doesn't. denver has lots of white people and lots of money to spend. and he's the fucking birdman. if you yell his name at a game, he will turn and point at you with both hands and smile and maybe do a birdcall or flap his hands. maybe kroenke would adopt him.
ADDED: looks like it might be mike miller. he can ball, at least on offense. definitely the shooter we need. decent handle, good passer, can finish in the open court. doesn't really guard anybody. would he start next to AI or come off the bench? he would mos def thrive in our running environment. we'd likely score every time if it was young miss miller popping those bailout jumpers instead of kenyon and camby. i say fuck it, get it done. especially if it can get done for like eddie (luv u boo, but you know how it is) and JR and a first rounder. i mean, shit, come on!!
i don't think we tradin LK. i don't think anyone will take Ne or K. i think camby's probably on the table, but not gonna happen. so it's gonna be a combination of eddie and jr and picks and spare parts. but maybe camby goes through and it's something big. shit, mike miller's pretty big, though.
2. so ron artest is crazy. so what. he can guard the perimeter and hoist threes and scare people. guess what: this team is built around crazy. intense-crazy is the best kind.
3. camby has the best contract in the league and takes more plays off than randy moss. his numbers will never be better. he will never be more moveable. get some!
4. iverson is only marginally easier to play with than early earl boykins. in two years, he expires. so give us two good years. melo will be exactly the same
5. nene is doing chemo. i would too. at least we know he won't come back fat.
6. we rolled the dice in the lottery and got a superstar. what it comes down to in the nba is: does your superstar care? because there are like 20 dudes in each generation with the tools to actually dominate at this level. so what if ours doesn't have that michael jordan sociopath mentality. so what is he's more or less a happy dude. so what if he already won all his most important battles and now he's cool doing shitloads of charity work and scoring a lot and financing documentaries and having kids and not sweating the small stuff (weakside defense, etc.). i only do my job for the money, too. can't be mad at that unless you're an extremely frustrated person.
7. so make a move, shadowy co-op that runs the nugs. this team is built for the short run. so make a fucking short run. i don't like how comfortable it feels being down 3-1 in the first round.
in conclusion,
ps. j.r. for delonte west. get it done. karl hates j.r. like the second son he never had. swap him for a red-headed stepchild who at least has the right skillset.
pps. you better sign the fucking birdman is n.o. doesn't. denver has lots of white people and lots of money to spend. and he's the fucking birdman. if you yell his name at a game, he will turn and point at you with both hands and smile and maybe do a birdcall or flap his hands. maybe kroenke would adopt him.
ADDED: looks like it might be mike miller. he can ball, at least on offense. definitely the shooter we need. decent handle, good passer, can finish in the open court. doesn't really guard anybody. would he start next to AI or come off the bench? he would mos def thrive in our running environment. we'd likely score every time if it was young miss miller popping those bailout jumpers instead of kenyon and camby. i say fuck it, get it done. especially if it can get done for like eddie (luv u boo, but you know how it is) and JR and a first rounder. i mean, shit, come on!!
i don't think we tradin LK. i don't think anyone will take Ne or K. i think camby's probably on the table, but not gonna happen. so it's gonna be a combination of eddie and jr and picks and spare parts. but maybe camby goes through and it's something big. shit, mike miller's pretty big, though.
22.1.08
Step 6: Acceptance
1. As halftime ends, Coach George Karl of the Denver Nuggets quietly asks Assistant Coach Jamahl Mosely the name of "that stoned-looking kid" who is "always following A.I. around." Mosely correctly identifies Von Wafer and assures Karl that he "can't play."
2. Coach Karl inserts Wafer into the game with 7:57 left in the fourth quarter. Previously he's never been inserted with more than a minute left, because Karl leaves his rotation players in longer than any other coach in the league. He just doesn't give up on games, he's a gritty guy, he wants to win.
3. Coby Karl, rookie combo guard from Boise State, is inserted into the game at the 3:23 mark of the fourth quarter of a blowout. Ohhhhh, I get it.
Coach also fucked up the game in ways that were not on purpose:
- You really want to keep doubling Kobe on the catch, even when he hasn't attempted a shot? When cutters are sashaying unmolested through the lane and the Lakers guards are camping out at the three point line (which is really all they're good for)? Remember when Kobe shot all the time and the Lakers sucked?
- So we're gonna stick with A.I. on Derek Fisher? A.I. who doesn't understand any kind of defense other than, I'll be kind, "roaming and gambling." On Fisher, who has been given so many open shots that he won't miss for the rest of the night (see point 1). Okay then.
- What's the half court offense again?
I know play #1: force the ball to Melo in the post, a few seconds after he had position, and let him 'go to work'.
Play #2 is of course, set a ball screen for A.I., he takes both defenders with him, dribbles around a bunch, and tries to score. That's been pretty effective this year, to be honest.
I guess #3 is when they swing it around a lot and then Camby hoists a jumper.
Last night, Coaching Legend G. Karl added a fourth play: swing it around a bunch and Kenyon flips up a J! Boom! Phil was sweating, let me tell you.
Just so we're clear: the Lakers are a regular season team. Some team will lay some hard fouls in the playoffs, scaring Turiaf, Farmar, Walton, et al. Kobe will start gunning, the way he does when he's cornered. Fisher and Bynum will try to play their roles, but the ball won't come. So put that in the books: almost every matchup is a bad one for the Lakers.
Problem is the Nuggets aren't even a Regular Season Team: they're a "Four Days A Week Team". Accept that they'll take every third (sometimes every other) game off, and have fun watching the ones where they bring it.
THE DENVER NUGGETS: They can beat anyone if everything goes their way and the coach doesn't fuck it up and they have some healthy big men on the night in question and no one gets Ebola and more than half of the team is trying!!!
2. Coach Karl inserts Wafer into the game with 7:57 left in the fourth quarter. Previously he's never been inserted with more than a minute left, because Karl leaves his rotation players in longer than any other coach in the league. He just doesn't give up on games, he's a gritty guy, he wants to win.
3. Coby Karl, rookie combo guard from Boise State, is inserted into the game at the 3:23 mark of the fourth quarter of a blowout. Ohhhhh, I get it.
Coach also fucked up the game in ways that were not on purpose:
- You really want to keep doubling Kobe on the catch, even when he hasn't attempted a shot? When cutters are sashaying unmolested through the lane and the Lakers guards are camping out at the three point line (which is really all they're good for)? Remember when Kobe shot all the time and the Lakers sucked?
- So we're gonna stick with A.I. on Derek Fisher? A.I. who doesn't understand any kind of defense other than, I'll be kind, "roaming and gambling." On Fisher, who has been given so many open shots that he won't miss for the rest of the night (see point 1). Okay then.
- What's the half court offense again?
I know play #1: force the ball to Melo in the post, a few seconds after he had position, and let him 'go to work'.
Play #2 is of course, set a ball screen for A.I., he takes both defenders with him, dribbles around a bunch, and tries to score. That's been pretty effective this year, to be honest.
I guess #3 is when they swing it around a lot and then Camby hoists a jumper.
Last night, Coaching Legend G. Karl added a fourth play: swing it around a bunch and Kenyon flips up a J! Boom! Phil was sweating, let me tell you.
Just so we're clear: the Lakers are a regular season team. Some team will lay some hard fouls in the playoffs, scaring Turiaf, Farmar, Walton, et al. Kobe will start gunning, the way he does when he's cornered. Fisher and Bynum will try to play their roles, but the ball won't come. So put that in the books: almost every matchup is a bad one for the Lakers.
Problem is the Nuggets aren't even a Regular Season Team: they're a "Four Days A Week Team". Accept that they'll take every third (sometimes every other) game off, and have fun watching the ones where they bring it.
THE DENVER NUGGETS: They can beat anyone if everything goes their way and the coach doesn't fuck it up and they have some healthy big men on the night in question and no one gets Ebola and more than half of the team is trying!!!
14.1.08
Things You Should Know
Bad shit is happening around this franchise. No one knows why. We act like it doesn’t bother us. We act like this empire isn’t crumbling, like we aren’t being used, like we belong.
Nene has been stricken by dark forces. I think it’s cancer. They found something in a piss-test and he’s having surgery tomorrow. He gets his dunk blocked by Jason Smith and now this. Nah I don’t have the jokes. Suddenly his trick knees and halting, gravely English aren't funny anymore. At least Fat Nene seemed kind of jolly. He's worked hard to come back sound and sleek and in control, and then this? what did he do wrong? G. Karl is talking cryptically about life-and-death (moreso than usual, and if anyone knows about the C-word, it's Georgie). AC says he almost broke down when they told him. So yeah, NENE is key to this team and all that, but mainly, just get healthy Ne, just survive.
IN OTHER NEWS:::Coach better play Stephen Hunter some, because guess what: Ed Najera is smaller than Melo and LK is secretly 6’5”. There’s a fucking serviceable big on the bench, a proven NBA PLAYER, and he doesn’t see any tick? CISCO ELSON SAW PLENTY OF MINUTES COACH! WAS THE DUTCHMAN TRULY THAT WELL SPOKEN? I’m just saying, 9 minutes a game doesn’t hurt, might help, and i always liked stephen hunter.
They cut bobby jones, and they cut me, too. Cut me deep. Bobby will make it, will have a career, and i will be there laughing with him (through psychic projection, as always).
Problem: Chucky’s done for the season. The experiment didn’t even start. Didn’t even get to fail. It’s like a baby dying in the crib. Nobody wants to see it, not even an abortionist like Steve Blake.
Solution: Clips downturn turns into a tailspin, into a massacre, into an apocalypse. Old man Sam mouths off, Don Sterling buys him out, he comes home to Papa Bear.
Finally, someone who knows how to throw an entry pass. Melo and Nene would get their touches, and in the right spots. AI keeps with this mindblowing ‘intelligent design’ shit he’s been on and keeps running wild. Sam would throw hell of alleyoops in the half court. And of course Sam would make every fucking shot he takes in the fourth quarter.
They’d be horrible defensively on the perimeter, of course, because Sam is slower and ricketier than the Old Timer's game at John Lucas's house, but they would literally score every time (until K-Mart or Camby decides to uncork a ‘jumper’, but we’ll live with that). And Anthony “HARD WORK” Carter aka AC can come in and throw himself on some grenades if it comes to that.
This is a HyTop Wet Dream scenario. Sam is like Nick Van Exel +1 Intelligence -1 Dexterity (fuck you I’m a nerd) and y’all know St Nick is my fave Nug ever.
But back in reality, JR’s gonna play some point, get jerked around by George, have a 10 assist game, turn it over a bunch, try some behind the back passes, get called for carrying it once or twice a game, get a steal and do a 360, fail to throw it off the backboard to himself, get suspended for conduct detrimental, etc. It’s not gonna end, but I’m fine with it. I’ve made my peace. Art doesn't imitate life, it transforms it.
MEANWHILE<><><>Melo’s appeal has always been that you can watch him as he is becoming. His moves happen slow enough and at weird enough angles that you can see, ‘oh shit he’s crossing BACK AGAIN!!!’, see him thinking that along with you. Spins and counter spins. Of course, the refs can see ‘oh he hooked him’ too, which complicates matters. But Melo’s always been messy, been complicated, and now we’re watching him realize some other shit.
He’s not Vince, he sees. That’s beyond him. He doesn’t have those bullets in his gun, he can't wait for those transcendent moments, because he can only reach them half the time. And AI doesn’t know how to get him the easy bucket Andre used to get him, so he’s no longer a slick, high-percentage scorer. But what he can do is rebound as well as any small forward alive (Shawn Marion plays PF) if he’s active and angry. So he’s doing that, cleaning up after himself and AI, and it’s working out alright. I still think he’s lost a step, and might never be last year's model (the height of his unstoppability thus far), but being the meanest, baddest SF in the game (witness him snatching boards from DWIGHT FREAKING HOWARD a couple times) is kind of cool, too. Do what you can to thrive, not everyone's got a guardian angel.
(this post is a mess, but i'm busy at work, you know how it is)
Nene has been stricken by dark forces. I think it’s cancer. They found something in a piss-test and he’s having surgery tomorrow. He gets his dunk blocked by Jason Smith and now this. Nah I don’t have the jokes. Suddenly his trick knees and halting, gravely English aren't funny anymore. At least Fat Nene seemed kind of jolly. He's worked hard to come back sound and sleek and in control, and then this? what did he do wrong? G. Karl is talking cryptically about life-and-death (moreso than usual, and if anyone knows about the C-word, it's Georgie). AC says he almost broke down when they told him. So yeah, NENE is key to this team and all that, but mainly, just get healthy Ne, just survive.
IN OTHER NEWS:::Coach better play Stephen Hunter some, because guess what: Ed Najera is smaller than Melo and LK is secretly 6’5”. There’s a fucking serviceable big on the bench, a proven NBA PLAYER, and he doesn’t see any tick? CISCO ELSON SAW PLENTY OF MINUTES COACH! WAS THE DUTCHMAN TRULY THAT WELL SPOKEN? I’m just saying, 9 minutes a game doesn’t hurt, might help, and i always liked stephen hunter.
They cut bobby jones, and they cut me, too. Cut me deep. Bobby will make it, will have a career, and i will be there laughing with him (through psychic projection, as always).
Problem: Chucky’s done for the season. The experiment didn’t even start. Didn’t even get to fail. It’s like a baby dying in the crib. Nobody wants to see it, not even an abortionist like Steve Blake.
Solution: Clips downturn turns into a tailspin, into a massacre, into an apocalypse. Old man Sam mouths off, Don Sterling buys him out, he comes home to Papa Bear.
Finally, someone who knows how to throw an entry pass. Melo and Nene would get their touches, and in the right spots. AI keeps with this mindblowing ‘intelligent design’ shit he’s been on and keeps running wild. Sam would throw hell of alleyoops in the half court. And of course Sam would make every fucking shot he takes in the fourth quarter.
They’d be horrible defensively on the perimeter, of course, because Sam is slower and ricketier than the Old Timer's game at John Lucas's house, but they would literally score every time (until K-Mart or Camby decides to uncork a ‘jumper’, but we’ll live with that). And Anthony “HARD WORK” Carter aka AC can come in and throw himself on some grenades if it comes to that.
This is a HyTop Wet Dream scenario. Sam is like Nick Van Exel +1 Intelligence -1 Dexterity (fuck you I’m a nerd) and y’all know St Nick is my fave Nug ever.
But back in reality, JR’s gonna play some point, get jerked around by George, have a 10 assist game, turn it over a bunch, try some behind the back passes, get called for carrying it once or twice a game, get a steal and do a 360, fail to throw it off the backboard to himself, get suspended for conduct detrimental, etc. It’s not gonna end, but I’m fine with it. I’ve made my peace. Art doesn't imitate life, it transforms it.
MEANWHILE<><><>Melo’s appeal has always been that you can watch him as he is becoming. His moves happen slow enough and at weird enough angles that you can see, ‘oh shit he’s crossing BACK AGAIN!!!’, see him thinking that along with you. Spins and counter spins. Of course, the refs can see ‘oh he hooked him’ too, which complicates matters. But Melo’s always been messy, been complicated, and now we’re watching him realize some other shit.
He’s not Vince, he sees. That’s beyond him. He doesn’t have those bullets in his gun, he can't wait for those transcendent moments, because he can only reach them half the time. And AI doesn’t know how to get him the easy bucket Andre used to get him, so he’s no longer a slick, high-percentage scorer. But what he can do is rebound as well as any small forward alive (Shawn Marion plays PF) if he’s active and angry. So he’s doing that, cleaning up after himself and AI, and it’s working out alright. I still think he’s lost a step, and might never be last year's model (the height of his unstoppability thus far), but being the meanest, baddest SF in the game (witness him snatching boards from DWIGHT FREAKING HOWARD a couple times) is kind of cool, too. Do what you can to thrive, not everyone's got a guardian angel.
(this post is a mess, but i'm busy at work, you know how it is)
28.12.07
The Blueprint
I've missed several recent games for reasons alternately happy and sad. Furthermore, I will shortly be leaving the country for a time. Hopefully, this post will tide over HyTop's increasingly rabid readership.
Saw the Milwaukee game. It was very nearly art. The pieces, for one brief moment, fit together, and the universe made sense. Psychedelics have this same effect, until the inevitable comedown. For now, I am still high.
Let's look at the blueprint (while remembering that blueprints exist only in the realm of the mind, while the Spurs and the Celtics are flesh and bone). The front office had some ideas, y'all.
BIG MEN
Marcus Camby: Savvy Vet. Plays a phenomenal finesse game on both ends of the court. Best weakside shotblocker in the game. Best passing center in the league. Rebounds like a motherfucker (but never boxes out). Decent slashing to the basket. Owns a somewhat shaky jumpshot that he trusts too much. Never loses his cool. Team spokesman.
Kenyon Martin: Junkyard Dog. Best man-to-man defender. Intimidator. Nasty finisher (in the half court). Can't do much in isolation situations. Tends to get out of control. Plays as hard as anyone in the world. An emotional leader.
Nene: Legit Big Man. Can guard the behemoths, score with his back to the basket, box out for rebounds. Runs the floor exceptionally well. Best pick and roll big on the squad (by a long shot). Seems to be in shape and healthy (knock wood).
Eduardo Najera: Glue Guy. Hustles, makes plays when he shouldn't, lends his energy to everyone around him. Plays within himself. Guards the pick and roll and loves to pressure guards in the backcourt. Moves without the ball better than anyone on the squad. Would be a valuable contributor to literally any squad in the league. Finishes fairly well for his size (reverse layups!) and now can shoot threes.
WINGS
Carmelo Anthony: Finisher. Moves without the ball, catches everything thrown his way, makes shots from all different angles and positions. A decent passer and an exceptional rebounder (when he wants to, which he recently has). The best post player on the team who commands automatic double teams (and often triple teams). Can't get a step on anyone off the dribble this year (tired legs from consecutive USA Basketball summers?). Decent man-to-man defender who loses interest when his man gives up the rock. Dominates and puts tons of pressure on the defense if he gives consistent effort. Seems to be morphing into more and more of a big man as he matures. This is not a problem. It makes him unique.
Linas Kleiza: Sharpshooter. Makes threes and runs better than anyone on the team. Earnest defender who is exploited on mismatches. Solid rebounder. Can kind of create his own shot off the dribble and in the post, but everything works off the threat of his jumper. Confidence is always on the edge, but he seems to realize that he belongs now. Hard worker. A bad but improving passer. Probably the Nuggets best young assets (Melo is part of the core), a lot of teams would love him and I think he could get 15 and 7 as a starter (on very good percentages). Basketball IQ has always been suspect with LK, but he's got a huge heart and wants so badly to succeed.
J.R. Smith: Whipping Boy. With Dermarr gone, Coach Karl has started fucking with JR in order to prove to himself and the world that his penis is longer than his thumb (he hasn't seen it in years, you see). JR can play, but honestly headcase projects are only valuable on marginal teams. JR is not needed if this team plays to potential. He's dead weight wrapped in bad karma, and it's not like he hasn't been given opportunities.
POINTS
Allen Iverson: Superstar. Everyone listens when he speaks (except the refs, who are deaf to his constant "AND1s" by now). Is finishing again, and taking less time to do it. Can do whatever he wants on the court. Needs to figure out what's best for the team. Really seems to want this to work. Easiest dude to root for this side of Barry Obama. It's his team, even though he'll pretent it's not. He remembers what it was like to be Melo. It wasn't easy, still isn't.
Chucky Atkins: Swagger. He's a real point guard, talking and pointing and directing traffic. Not a superior passer, but a guy who understands the game. He and AI have fun playing together (witness the behind-the-back-a-thon of the other night), and he recognizes how good Nene is in the pick and roll. His shot isn't there, but dude is a shooter. Can't guard anyone, doesn't rebound, but provides this team with some shit it just hasn't had since Saint Van Exel left town.
Anthony Carter: Plugger (in honor of the Simulator's favorite single-panel comic). Fills the gaps. Hits those ugly jumpers from Avery Johnson's favorite spots, gets unexpected steals and rebounds, throws long passes ahead to Melo for easy baskets (RIP Andre Miller). Best perimeter defender on the team (not a good thing). Plays within himself. Listens to the coach.
SCRUBS
I'm not doing the scrubs, I'm busy today. Y'all know I love Bobby Jones, hate Diawara, and am ambivalent on the rest. I guess JR is a scrub now, but I think his situation has meaning for the team as a whole, which is why I included him.
HOLES
No Playmaker. The Nugs aren't a great passing team.
Bad perimeter defense. This is why Tony Parker runs layup drills every time we see him.
Shooting. LK is solid. Melo and AI will surprise you. Eddie's been great. Chucky could make this a non-issue.
Basically, trade for Kirk Hinrich and this team could win it all. Shit, they still might, how they looked the other night. I'll watch tonight then fly away in the morning.
Happy New Year. Make it better than the last.
Saw the Milwaukee game. It was very nearly art. The pieces, for one brief moment, fit together, and the universe made sense. Psychedelics have this same effect, until the inevitable comedown. For now, I am still high.
Let's look at the blueprint (while remembering that blueprints exist only in the realm of the mind, while the Spurs and the Celtics are flesh and bone). The front office had some ideas, y'all.
BIG MEN
Marcus Camby: Savvy Vet. Plays a phenomenal finesse game on both ends of the court. Best weakside shotblocker in the game. Best passing center in the league. Rebounds like a motherfucker (but never boxes out). Decent slashing to the basket. Owns a somewhat shaky jumpshot that he trusts too much. Never loses his cool. Team spokesman.
Kenyon Martin: Junkyard Dog. Best man-to-man defender. Intimidator. Nasty finisher (in the half court). Can't do much in isolation situations. Tends to get out of control. Plays as hard as anyone in the world. An emotional leader.
Nene: Legit Big Man. Can guard the behemoths, score with his back to the basket, box out for rebounds. Runs the floor exceptionally well. Best pick and roll big on the squad (by a long shot). Seems to be in shape and healthy (knock wood).
Eduardo Najera: Glue Guy. Hustles, makes plays when he shouldn't, lends his energy to everyone around him. Plays within himself. Guards the pick and roll and loves to pressure guards in the backcourt. Moves without the ball better than anyone on the squad. Would be a valuable contributor to literally any squad in the league. Finishes fairly well for his size (reverse layups!) and now can shoot threes.
WINGS
Carmelo Anthony: Finisher. Moves without the ball, catches everything thrown his way, makes shots from all different angles and positions. A decent passer and an exceptional rebounder (when he wants to, which he recently has). The best post player on the team who commands automatic double teams (and often triple teams). Can't get a step on anyone off the dribble this year (tired legs from consecutive USA Basketball summers?). Decent man-to-man defender who loses interest when his man gives up the rock. Dominates and puts tons of pressure on the defense if he gives consistent effort. Seems to be morphing into more and more of a big man as he matures. This is not a problem. It makes him unique.
Linas Kleiza: Sharpshooter. Makes threes and runs better than anyone on the team. Earnest defender who is exploited on mismatches. Solid rebounder. Can kind of create his own shot off the dribble and in the post, but everything works off the threat of his jumper. Confidence is always on the edge, but he seems to realize that he belongs now. Hard worker. A bad but improving passer. Probably the Nuggets best young assets (Melo is part of the core), a lot of teams would love him and I think he could get 15 and 7 as a starter (on very good percentages). Basketball IQ has always been suspect with LK, but he's got a huge heart and wants so badly to succeed.
J.R. Smith: Whipping Boy. With Dermarr gone, Coach Karl has started fucking with JR in order to prove to himself and the world that his penis is longer than his thumb (he hasn't seen it in years, you see). JR can play, but honestly headcase projects are only valuable on marginal teams. JR is not needed if this team plays to potential. He's dead weight wrapped in bad karma, and it's not like he hasn't been given opportunities.
POINTS
Allen Iverson: Superstar. Everyone listens when he speaks (except the refs, who are deaf to his constant "AND1s" by now). Is finishing again, and taking less time to do it. Can do whatever he wants on the court. Needs to figure out what's best for the team. Really seems to want this to work. Easiest dude to root for this side of Barry Obama. It's his team, even though he'll pretent it's not. He remembers what it was like to be Melo. It wasn't easy, still isn't.
Chucky Atkins: Swagger. He's a real point guard, talking and pointing and directing traffic. Not a superior passer, but a guy who understands the game. He and AI have fun playing together (witness the behind-the-back-a-thon of the other night), and he recognizes how good Nene is in the pick and roll. His shot isn't there, but dude is a shooter. Can't guard anyone, doesn't rebound, but provides this team with some shit it just hasn't had since Saint Van Exel left town.
Anthony Carter: Plugger (in honor of the Simulator's favorite single-panel comic). Fills the gaps. Hits those ugly jumpers from Avery Johnson's favorite spots, gets unexpected steals and rebounds, throws long passes ahead to Melo for easy baskets (RIP Andre Miller). Best perimeter defender on the team (not a good thing). Plays within himself. Listens to the coach.
SCRUBS
I'm not doing the scrubs, I'm busy today. Y'all know I love Bobby Jones, hate Diawara, and am ambivalent on the rest. I guess JR is a scrub now, but I think his situation has meaning for the team as a whole, which is why I included him.
HOLES
No Playmaker. The Nugs aren't a great passing team.
Bad perimeter defense. This is why Tony Parker runs layup drills every time we see him.
Shooting. LK is solid. Melo and AI will surprise you. Eddie's been great. Chucky could make this a non-issue.
Basically, trade for Kirk Hinrich and this team could win it all. Shit, they still might, how they looked the other night. I'll watch tonight then fly away in the morning.
Happy New Year. Make it better than the last.
17.12.07
San Antonio, Portland
San Antonio.
You people think I'm pessimistic. You think I love to worry, love to suffer, secretly love pain. I love none of those things. My problem is simple: I have a good relationship with my eyes. They never deceive me.
This San Antonio game is why I considered a 14-8 team (going into the game) a failure. They made it look so easy. San Antonio is pretty much all old guys now. Even Ginobili rocks the bald spot. Tony Parker is their young legs, and he was out.
What do they do? Carve the Nuggets up. With the same shit they've been doing for almost a decade. Halfcourt defence. Three-point shooting. Crisp ball movement. That's it. That's what they do.
Yeah, Tim Duncan is the greatest power forward ever. He was hobbling, didn't want the ball, sat out most of the second half. Let Oberto take over, Timmy said. And Fab fucking did. Ow.
The Nuggets don't defend the perimeter very well, and are especially weak closing out on three-point shooters. Brent Barry. Swish. Mike Finley. Swish. Bruce Bowen. Swish. Horry threw up some hilarious bricks to lighten the mood.
Offensively, no one on the Nugs can throw a proper entry pass (RIP ANDRE MILLER). So the Spurs doubled Melo hard, all night, sometimes even without the ball. He didn't do shit. They let AI do what he wanted. Guess what: AI's been doing that for a decade. No tan lines on his fingers. Makes you think. Or it oughta.
Bright spot: BOBBY JONES YALL. I was on this cat before Hastings had looked at the roster. HE MAKES PLAYS YALL. He's a football player out there, herky-jerky and awkward, but always around the ball. Play the man!
Portland.
This hurts less, cause Portland was making any crazy bullshit they threw up there. One of those games. The Outlaw kid is filthy. Stevie Blake got his. Brandon Roy is savvy. Pryzbilla swatted our best player.
Melo got pissed and started working really hard on the boards. Got a bunch of fouls called for his trouble. Then, when he'd get the ball, he'd dribble off his foot or get his shot blocked. Melo's on some kind of NBA Live system, where he has only a certain number of points to distribute. When he puts it into Effort, his Skills all deteriorate. When he plays half-assed, all his jumpers are wet, his passes are crisp. Goofy.
I do take issue with Coach on one defensive strategy. Why the fuck were Roy and Jack, two relatively quick perimeter players, being guarded by bigs all fucking night long? Seriously, Brandon Roy (aka Portland's best player) saw Kleiza, Najera, and then K-Mart in crunch time. Those guys are all decent to excellent defenders, but THEY ARE BIG MEN. THEY ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH CROSSOVERS AND HESITATION DRIBBLES. They did the best they can. Roy got layups, Jack got layups, mid-range jumpers were falling.
Meanwhile, HyTop fave Bobby Jones (who played with Roy in college and probably has an idea of what he can do) and Khouba Diawara (who I don't much like, but who can defend the perimeter) sitting on the bench in sweatpants.
IN CONCLUSION:
We're watching the same team as last year. And the year before. Solid in the regular season. Wait til they put together a big winning streak, get a nice Sportscenter segment. Denver's all smiles. Roll into the playoffs, and suddenly they don't speak the language. A mansion built on sand.
You people think I'm pessimistic. You think I love to worry, love to suffer, secretly love pain. I love none of those things. My problem is simple: I have a good relationship with my eyes. They never deceive me.
This San Antonio game is why I considered a 14-8 team (going into the game) a failure. They made it look so easy. San Antonio is pretty much all old guys now. Even Ginobili rocks the bald spot. Tony Parker is their young legs, and he was out.
What do they do? Carve the Nuggets up. With the same shit they've been doing for almost a decade. Halfcourt defence. Three-point shooting. Crisp ball movement. That's it. That's what they do.
Yeah, Tim Duncan is the greatest power forward ever. He was hobbling, didn't want the ball, sat out most of the second half. Let Oberto take over, Timmy said. And Fab fucking did. Ow.
The Nuggets don't defend the perimeter very well, and are especially weak closing out on three-point shooters. Brent Barry. Swish. Mike Finley. Swish. Bruce Bowen. Swish. Horry threw up some hilarious bricks to lighten the mood.
Offensively, no one on the Nugs can throw a proper entry pass (RIP ANDRE MILLER). So the Spurs doubled Melo hard, all night, sometimes even without the ball. He didn't do shit. They let AI do what he wanted. Guess what: AI's been doing that for a decade. No tan lines on his fingers. Makes you think. Or it oughta.
Bright spot: BOBBY JONES YALL. I was on this cat before Hastings had looked at the roster. HE MAKES PLAYS YALL. He's a football player out there, herky-jerky and awkward, but always around the ball. Play the man!
Portland.
This hurts less, cause Portland was making any crazy bullshit they threw up there. One of those games. The Outlaw kid is filthy. Stevie Blake got his. Brandon Roy is savvy. Pryzbilla swatted our best player.
Melo got pissed and started working really hard on the boards. Got a bunch of fouls called for his trouble. Then, when he'd get the ball, he'd dribble off his foot or get his shot blocked. Melo's on some kind of NBA Live system, where he has only a certain number of points to distribute. When he puts it into Effort, his Skills all deteriorate. When he plays half-assed, all his jumpers are wet, his passes are crisp. Goofy.
I do take issue with Coach on one defensive strategy. Why the fuck were Roy and Jack, two relatively quick perimeter players, being guarded by bigs all fucking night long? Seriously, Brandon Roy (aka Portland's best player) saw Kleiza, Najera, and then K-Mart in crunch time. Those guys are all decent to excellent defenders, but THEY ARE BIG MEN. THEY ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH CROSSOVERS AND HESITATION DRIBBLES. They did the best they can. Roy got layups, Jack got layups, mid-range jumpers were falling.
Meanwhile, HyTop fave Bobby Jones (who played with Roy in college and probably has an idea of what he can do) and Khouba Diawara (who I don't much like, but who can defend the perimeter) sitting on the bench in sweatpants.
IN CONCLUSION:
We're watching the same team as last year. And the year before. Solid in the regular season. Wait til they put together a big winning streak, get a nice Sportscenter segment. Denver's all smiles. Roll into the playoffs, and suddenly they don't speak the language. A mansion built on sand.
13.12.07
The Rundown: Sacramento, New Orleans
Sacto Game: Nugz rely on talent to squeak by. Inspiring philosophy, that.
Everyone on the Nugz squad seems to be friends with Ron Artest. In Melo's more docile moments, I briefly fantasized about trading him for Ron-Ron. Artest is easy to root for. Melo, sometimes, is difficult. But it was a flight of fancy.
N.O. Game: Revenge game. The Nugz played pretty hard. Camby realized that Tyson Chandler outplayed him last time, and hustled all game. Chris Paul is a problem when his jumper/floater game is sharp. I still maintain that his assist numbers are inflated from playing on a squad of jumpshooters. How tough is it to find David West for an 18 footer? That's an A.C. type assist right there.
Melo couldn't get a call all game, so he started rebounding a little harder. It paid off. Never stopped bitching at the refs, though. In the fourth, he kind of 'took over'. Although it was mostly on run-outs, it was nice to see some fire.
Despite that spark, it has become clear that, in the last two weeks, Melo has fully ceded the Alpha position to A.I. Allen didn't even really have to go get it. It was there all year long; Iverson just finally started finishing.
It's interesting to see a little guard on the other side of 30 still figuring it out. He's stopped settling for the jumper at the free throw line; he's taking it deep like he used to. And it's working. It's like he's learning the angles of the game all over again.
PS: Kleiza made the best pass of his career, a one-hander to a Najera under the bucket. L.K.'s not much of a passer. Also, Kenyon's fucking awesome, as always. Nobody defends harder, nobody dunks cleaner.
PIPE DREAM POST SCRIPT:
I don't play fantasy hoops (it's pornographic, perverts the game), but I do like to assemble fantasy squads. What I mean is: realistic combinations of players that I believe could succeed.
HyTop Dream Team 1:
PG: Hinrich
SG: A.I.
SF: Artest
PF: Rasheed
C: Nene (in shape version)
Sixth Man: Kenyon
I know that's blasphemy. But could you swing that, using Melo, Camby, J.R. and L.K. as bait? Just an idle thought. That would be the best defensive team in the league. Nene and Ron-Ron can both defend and score in the post. Rasheed and Hinrich would give the offense ball-movement, shooting and smarts. Also, both can defend like crazy. A.I. would continue to be A.I., and this team would rally around him like nothing you've seen.
Banged up Spurs team next. Actually, forget the 'banged up' part. The Spurs are always playing possum, and it always gets you.
Everyone on the Nugz squad seems to be friends with Ron Artest. In Melo's more docile moments, I briefly fantasized about trading him for Ron-Ron. Artest is easy to root for. Melo, sometimes, is difficult. But it was a flight of fancy.
N.O. Game: Revenge game. The Nugz played pretty hard. Camby realized that Tyson Chandler outplayed him last time, and hustled all game. Chris Paul is a problem when his jumper/floater game is sharp. I still maintain that his assist numbers are inflated from playing on a squad of jumpshooters. How tough is it to find David West for an 18 footer? That's an A.C. type assist right there.
Melo couldn't get a call all game, so he started rebounding a little harder. It paid off. Never stopped bitching at the refs, though. In the fourth, he kind of 'took over'. Although it was mostly on run-outs, it was nice to see some fire.
Despite that spark, it has become clear that, in the last two weeks, Melo has fully ceded the Alpha position to A.I. Allen didn't even really have to go get it. It was there all year long; Iverson just finally started finishing.
It's interesting to see a little guard on the other side of 30 still figuring it out. He's stopped settling for the jumper at the free throw line; he's taking it deep like he used to. And it's working. It's like he's learning the angles of the game all over again.
PS: Kleiza made the best pass of his career, a one-hander to a Najera under the bucket. L.K.'s not much of a passer. Also, Kenyon's fucking awesome, as always. Nobody defends harder, nobody dunks cleaner.
PIPE DREAM POST SCRIPT:
I don't play fantasy hoops (it's pornographic, perverts the game), but I do like to assemble fantasy squads. What I mean is: realistic combinations of players that I believe could succeed.
HyTop Dream Team 1:
PG: Hinrich
SG: A.I.
SF: Artest
PF: Rasheed
C: Nene (in shape version)
Sixth Man: Kenyon
I know that's blasphemy. But could you swing that, using Melo, Camby, J.R. and L.K. as bait? Just an idle thought. That would be the best defensive team in the league. Nene and Ron-Ron can both defend and score in the post. Rasheed and Hinrich would give the offense ball-movement, shooting and smarts. Also, both can defend like crazy. A.I. would continue to be A.I., and this team would rally around him like nothing you've seen.
Banged up Spurs team next. Actually, forget the 'banged up' part. The Spurs are always playing possum, and it always gets you.
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